Adoption – it’s a word that has shaped every corner of my life. It has broken me and rebuilt me, taught me lessons I never asked for, cursed me with challenges, blessed me with perspective, and ultimately helped shape me into the person I am today. I was born in the United Kingdom and placed into foster care. My social worker labeled me “difficult to place,” citing my circumstances as the “unwanted child of unmarried parents.” My ethnic background also seemed to make me harder to place. Long before I knew what a label was, the system had already defined me.
The danger of labels is how sticky they are. They cling to us, lingering long after the words are spoken, and often seep inside to become our own beliefs. I grew up believing I was not just difficult to place, but difficult to love. That belief deepened when I was adopted by Americans. My adoptive father struggled with alcoholism, and living in a home full of dysfunction shattered what little sense of self-worth I had left.
Adoption doesn’t automatically make life easier—it just makes it different. For me, being adopted brought new challenges, not fairy-tale endings. But it also sparked a journey: a journey to uncover my own truth, worth, and value, to transform those early limiting labels into a life-affirming identity I could claim for myself.
Today, I am an empowerment coach for adult adoptees. I guide individuals to uncover the innate power they already possess and begin healing the painful places that have been carried for so long. Healing begins with acknowledging the reality of loss: adoption always starts with a family coming apart for another to come together. That loss is often felt deeply, even from a very young age, and many adoptees silence it for fear of rejection. But once they feel safe to grieve, they can begin to grow.
A central part of this growth is mindset—the beliefs and thoughts we allow to shape our lives. Mindset determines how we interpret our experiences, how we relate to the world, and how we perceive ourselves. If we want to change our reality, we must first shift from a fixed mindset—the belief that we cannot change or improve—to a growth mindset: the belief that with persistence, focus, and self-compassion, we can face setbacks, transform, and thrive. This shift was critical in my own journey as an adoptee, helping me move from feelings of worthlessness to the recognition of my immense value.
I built this growth mindset through two transformative practices:
1. Changing self-talk. Words are powerful—they can wound or heal. As a foster child and international adoptee, the words spoken about me became labels that trapped me in a fixed mindset. For years, I felt powerless and hopeless. But I learned that I could choose the words, thoughts, and beliefs that accompany me daily. I began noticing the narrative in my head: Were my thoughts limiting or limitless? When they were limiting, I consciously redirected them toward empowerment. The label “difficult to place” became, “far too valuable to lose.” That single shift allowed me to step fully into the identity of someone whose life is rich with purpose.
2. Practicing visualization. Seeing is believing—but sometimes, we must intentionally create the vision we want to live. By focusing a few minutes each day on my desired life, breathing into the vision, and imagining how it feels to live fully aligned with my purpose, I rewired my mindset and emotions. Where focus goes, energy flows. By directing my attention to what truly matters, I built momentum toward the life I envisioned.
Changing my self-talk and visualizing my desires allowed me to sustain a growth mindset. Of course, some days are harder than others. But now I have tools to return to clarity and focus. Growing up, I lacked these tools and felt stuck in a mindset defined by loss and limitation—a place of quiet suffering. It doesn’t have to be that way for adoptees. Empowering others is why I do what I do.
Your past does not define you. Labels cannot permanently brand you. The power to change comes from within, from committing to a growth mindset and strengthening it daily. Adoption no longer molds my life—I do. Every day, I choose my narrative, fix my focus on what is meaningful, and step into the identity of being “far too valuable to lose.”
You are too valuable to let your dreams slip away. Don’t let your past dictate your future. Step into a growth mindset, claim your desires, and embrace the brilliant life that is waiting for you.
